Characters:
Narrator: Our intrepid cyclist, perpetually stuck in a cycle of gear lust and indecision.
Salsa: A trusty steed, longing for new hooves (tires).
Scott: A loyal companion, yearning for wider horizons (tires) and a major makeover.
Infinity Seat E2: A mythical saddle of comfort and wonder, forever a whisper in the narrator’s ear.
The Ghost of Bike Trips Past: Haunts the narrator with memories of leaky tents, ripped mats, and translucent bibs.
Ireland and Brazil: Two exotic destinations, promising rain, gravel, and existential gear dilemmas.
Setting:
The narrator’s cozy (yet gear-cluttered) abode, currently housing:
Two bicycles, both in various states of tire-baldness and saddle-angst.
A trainer, patiently enduring endless indoor miles.
A computer screen, glowing with the siren song of Amazon.
A closet overflowing with bags, tents, mats, and bibs of questionable opacity.
Plot:
The Tires of Desire: Our hero stares at his bikes, their worn rubber soles a constant reminder of his gear inadequacies. Salsa whispers for fresh treads and going tubeless, while Scott craves the forbidden fruit of wider tires too (alas, his frame limitations scoff at wider Continental Gatorskin dreams than 23C).
Saddle Odyssey: The Wahoo fitness indoor trainer’s saddle is an arch-nemesis, prompting visions of outdoor saddles and seat post reducers. But wait! The Infinity Seat E2 beckons, its futuristic curves promising nirvana for the nether regions. Or maybe a custom job? Decisions, decisions…
Baggage Claim: Frame bags, handlebar bags, top tube bags – the narrator drowns in a sea of nylon temptation. He already owns enough to equip a small army, yet the siren song of “one more bag” pierces his resolve.
Tentative Territory: Three tents grace his floor, each with its own fatal flaw: the ripped, the heavy, the inconveniently palatial. Amazon beckons with promises of lighter-than-air, waterproof wonderlands, but the ghost of past projects (namely, replacing tent poles shock cord) whispers caution. Some tents, however, make all the sense to own for the security heading out with a survival shelter, or for their low price.
Mat Matters: Two mats, two problems: one holier than thou, the other heavier than a hippopotamus. Can’t a cyclist find a happy medium?
Pedal Power (or Lack Thereof): Clip-in pedals are banished! The next tour demands walkable freedom, and new platform pedals shall be his chariot’s new steeds.
Scott’s Saga: The trusty steed deserves more than just new shoes. A full overhaul beckons, with lower gears, shifters, and hoods all vying for his hard-earned cash. But is it worth the plunge? The upgrade bug bites hard.
Fashion Faux Pas: The rain jacket is a disgrace, a leaky mockery of its waterproof claims. Bringing along no rain pants and not packing proper gloves cycling in nasty weather, too, has proved a mistake in the past. Not to mention, new cycling shorts are a must, the current collection resembling more of a stained glass window than respectable apparel. Memories of the Australia trip, with strategically placed bandannas, still send shivers down his spine.
The Wanderlust Wormhole: Ireland’s rain and Brazil’s gravel paint a picture of future adventures. Fully loaded touring or lightweight bikepacking? Rear rack or seat bag? The gear gremlins dance in his head, a maddening waltz of indecision.
Tool Time (or Not): Does he need new tools? The question hangs heavy in the air, another cog in the ever-churning machine of cycling consumerism.
Gear-Out: There is always something to consider, like going to a shorter stem, or a brighter long lasting taillight. Exhausted by the mental marathon, the narrator throws in the towel. Buying is on hold, for now. He shuts the computer, the silence a balm to his overstimulated brain.
The End (For Now):
Our hero has escaped the clutches of the holiday gear-buying frenzy, but the battle is far from over. The siren song of new bikes, shiny saddles, and magical tents will no doubt return, stronger than ever, come spring. Until then, he’ll try to ride his current steeds, mend his leaky tent, and perhaps invest in some opaque cycling shorts. His journey is far from over, and the road ahead is paved with… well, more decisions, probably.
**Footloose Cycling is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising revenues by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.